the room is dark

because the light hurts

the eyes of the dying

girl

she is 11 or 12

and has cancer or

leukemia

                         ] malignancy [

memory has never been my ally

or has been by leaving me

the room is in darkness

at the entrance of the icu

the nun says she can’t give

her the sacrament without

knowing she consciously accepts

jesus christ as her lord & savior

i am there to help the mother speak

but she doesn’t

she wants her daughter to live

at least as a hope

after death

her death will leave

her a wounded person

her dying now

is a waiting for mercy

the nun is angry

because the girl will not stop

           screaming

yelling for her to leave her

                alone

i hope the nun leaves

i hope she realizes

the girl is dying

i hope she knows

what she offers

should be

            something other

                          than dogma

Tell mom

I can’t give her the sacrament

because I need know that she is conscious

of what she is saying and what she is doing

that she truly accepts Jesus Christ as her savior

that she truly and freely accepts this commitment:

this is not a game.

mom tries to speak to her daughter

but she is in so much pain

she says all she wants

is to die with

more meds

more silence

more solitude

she yells for us to leave

screams and writhes

the nun will come back later

después regreso

                                                ] i interpret to mom [

yo regreso también cuando ella regrese

but i never see the old nun again

in the girl’s room

another day

i enter the darkest room

the girl is silent now

another day

and she is no longer

there

i am there

for another patient

i remember sometimes

the darkness

the young dying girl

her hateful

sincere screams at

the bureaucracy

of salvation

and the reality of pain

the darkness

the screams

her mother

and i standing

near

staring in silence

listening to the screams

and crying

of her daughter

] actively dying [ they call it

now

no longer

here in silence